Currently Reading Paradoxes from A to Z By Michael Clark see related

COLLEGE STUDENTS PLEASE READ!!!

Some of you know that last spring break I was trying to plan a trip to Elephant Rock State park, just some time for my burned out little self to get away, observe God’s creation, enjoy time with friends put some serious thought into God, like some serious devoted thought. So, having been kind of burned out lately I thought about doing it again. I ran into a few problems with some of the scenarios I dreamed up but I wont get into that. Bottom line, I thought, what would it be like if I just pulled together a big group of kids, for a whole day to go down there and devote every minute, inch and breath of that day to God. What would happen? What would change? What would we learn? In church this morning I had one of those God moments. Not the ‘emotional part of the song raise my hands because it feels good’ moments. Or the ‘powerful prayer with the piano going’ moments, I mean the ‘I get it’ kind of moment. The moment where ‘life is far from perfect, it’s not your favorite song, and I don’t fully understand what You’re doing in my life, but ALL I want to do in this moment is praise you’. But church is only an hour long, and I thought, it was the community of worship, the honesty in that room that separates that moment from the ones I have in my car or in my room. ‘All WE want to do is praise you’. But that community, as healthy as it is, is too restricted, by time, by demographics and social expectations, and by the hope that everyone there “gets it” and that’s fine. But what if we eliminated those restrictions, tore down the walls for one day and brought that complete honesty with us. That leaves only one question: what would happen?

          Basically we would head out there, and in complete silence (ideally in both the car ride and the arrival) go off, to our individual places in this huge beautiful park with whatever you deem necessary for a day with God, meaning anything from nothing, to a backpack full of music bibles and books. And then just spend hours with Him (probably the better part of the afternoon) reading his word, reflecting, listening, walking with him, dancing with him, praising him, breathing him in. then at a designated time we get back together, a just talk. But not about anything trivial given that “all is vanity” but only about what we experienced, what we learned, what God wants us to say, or understand, or reflect. Basically just freelance congregation time, with no restrictions. If it is quiet for a half hour at a time, so be it, if we all have so much to say that we explode, so be it. you Can use this time to preach a sermon or pray for a broken friend, it simply wont matter, the only rule is that everyone listens and pursues God with every word.

          We would then find a place where we can see the sunset, all the way through, start to finish and sing praise songs, dance, kneel, cry, break down, stand, cry out in unrestricted worship of the King till they kick us out of the park… what would happen??

Currently Reading Praise Habit: Finding God In Sunsets And Sushi By David A. Crowder see related

hmph

Here i am to worship
Here i am to bow down
Here i am to say that you're my God

Today was not a good day for me. and i can't talk to anyone about why. Except God. This is not a desperate bottom of the barrel "please God" that i usually have. This is a "God, i'm glad i've been trusting you lately or i'd really be a wreck". That song is usually a feel-good song, that we sing when we are ready to mean it. Today i'm singing it out of humility, because i'd much rather put all of my energy into my well being. I'd much rather do exactly what I want to do right now, rather than sacrifice things in order to follow God. but tonight. having lived a life of doing alot of what i wanted, and wrecking alot of good things, i will sit back, grit my teeth, and wait. meditate. amplify. silence. and likely, at the very moment when my teeth would crack, or my voice cry out, God will come through. Give me his answers. and i will accept those answers. because i am here to worship, i am here to bow down. i am here to say the You're my God. and however ecstatic, or filled or amazed i end up, however brokenhearted, however angry, or confused or disjointed, i end up that is why i am here.

You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
altogether wonderful to me.

Currently Listening A Collision By David Crowder Band Wholly Yours see related

Tie Me up, Untie Me.

"But the harder i try, the more clearly can I - Feel the depth of our fault, and the weight of it all." Like King David (or in that quote David Crowder), as he is so transparently revealed in the Psalms, I have my moments of fault, of vulnerability, of weight. When i can sense my enemies around me and realize that I am unable to do a thing about them. When i sense myself, my unfaithfulness and my filth around me, and realize there is nothing i can do about it. the word 'realize' is over used. realize - to make real, to accept as a reality. When i realize my faultiness I am making my inner spiritual faultiness as real as the glass of Grape juice in front of me as real as the things i see and hear. I real-ize my faultiness, the light comes on in my head. Then, like King David, i have moments of triumph and praise, when i realize and in the Atmophere that is God, my sin is nothing more than stellar pebel, barely penetrating the surface before it is burned up and forgotten. My fiflth is nothing more than a single fallen leaf in the scope of a lifetime of seasons. I'm broken, yes, and often times that is hard to accept, while my sin is so small to God, it is cateclysmic to my life. and with it i have to ability to detroy myself and the people around me. And like David, I realize that i have victory, and though that victory is not my own, I accept it. I take it in and celebrate a new day. "And the truest sign of grace is this: Through Wounded hands, redemption fell down, liberating man."

I am Wholly yours.

Currently Reading The Ragamuffin Gospel : Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out By Brennan Manning see related

'This mutany has set us free but all is lost.'

This is a the feeling that i forgot. This dry, scum of the earth, broken jack in the box, God scrape me off this bathroom floor. The world is colorless, or rather that color doesn't matter. You heard my story a couple hundred times and yet this seems unfamiliar. I've told my story a couple hundred times but i keep finding a new angle. I keep retelling it. I keep forgetting it. I'm sorry for my redundancy. Today i will dance to the silence because i cant hear the music. Every note is the same. Every beat is off. I will dance in silence because by the Grace of God I have reason left to dance. To the grace of God. To God. And to do that I dont need music. Because it's not for me. But after today. After this moment or hour it will be the first fresh fruit i taste. I prasie God in my nothingness. I praise God for my nothingness. Whose Name is like honey on my lips? And whose flavor is rotten to the taste? Today i cant seem to tell the difference. Because there was a day that i died to myself. And 11 weeks later i woke up screaming.

Currently Listening The Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek By Relient K Less is More see related

LIFE

I Can't figure out what to write today. I had a lot of fun when I did the prose thing, but that won't quite fulfill me tonight, i'm not in that sort of mood. what ever I write I don't want it to be poorly written, I didn't like the way my last one turned out. I think I will just reflect on life and its current changes.

        Essentially God has taken the past two weeks aside to take me back. To give me the opportunities to come out and be free, but also to submit myself. A sort of surrender in to freedom. Its been nice to have my guard down, to look at myself in the morning, in the afternoon and at the end of the day and know, for sure...well 'know' isn't the right word because head knowledge isn't everything. but to really feel like like I didn't quite fail this time, that I am prepared, and prepared to become more prepared, to take on whatever comes my way. You know when you know something isn't quite right in a relationship but you are trying to avoid the subject so you don't make eye contact, even when you have set aside time with that person, maybe you're eating dinner across the table from them but you cant look at them, although you can carry on a decent conversation despite all this. Well I finally feel like I can look God in the eye when I talk to him at the end of the day. I know shame is something God doesn't appreciate having sacrificed so much to get rid of shame. and I will be the first to argue this. but at the end of the day it can be hard to face yourself strong enough to face God. to really see yourself the way be does, untainted. Anyway, a time has come where all my imperfections are out, I am inside out and it is the best feeling I've had in years.

I am inside out.

all that girl nonsense drama I wrote about a few weeks ago has settled down a lot as well. I'm finally back in a place where I feel comfortable and able to make useful decisions.

It is almost summer, and I'm rather excited. This summer will probably be the best one in a while. I will have virtually no obligations, except work, which I'm not that concerned about...eh, who knows what it will bring between cornerstone, Nashville and whatever other random trips I decide to go on. I'm going to play in the youth band at Hazelwood Baptist, I know God wants me there to help out and make it exciting, and that's where I want to be. I'm gonna play softball, which will be awesome because I miss playing ball, its been years and I was so good at it. I can't wait. also I'm starting a Rage Against the Machine, riff rock band with Brian and Jeremy which will be a blast, then I'm doing my own acoustic stuff which I'm probably the most excited about, it will be a chance to really explore all of my best talents (guitar, singing, entertaining and writing). and I think next semester will be the last where I have to study stuff that I really don't want to (e.i. science) and I'll have oral comm with Jordan...hooray!

basically I'm really excited about life right now. I'll get past this next week, where I pretty much have to learn to sight sing in solfege in minor on my own merit till the final where I'll get my butt kicked by my professor who decided to ignore all ear training and sight singing till the last week of the semester. thanks higdon. he's been really whiny lately too, its really getting on my nerves, he used to be cool. oh well, I'm almost out of his class. then comes summer.

alright I did a lot of babbling, but I'm just gonna leave it.